Ubisoft Press Conference – E3 2016

We’ll be covering everything from Microsoft’s E3 2016 press conference as it happens right here and over on the gamespulp Twitter.

You can watch the livestream on Ubisoft’s Twitch channel.

23:00Conclusion: Never has so much been said about so little for so long. Ubisoft didn’t really have a killer app this year. Steep and Watch Dogs 2 look fine, but I think they’re as cautious about the reception as the gamers are.

22:59 – Aisha says her final goodbyes. Says the audience was amazing. In truth, we all know she was the best thing about this press conference.

22:58 – Conferences ends with Yves saying there is no failure, there is only forwards. That explains Assassin’s Creed Syndicate too then.

22:56 – Ubi CEO Yves once again threatens us, telling us Steep  will be around for a very long time. But hey, he says he loves us gamers for pushing them. That explains Assassin’s Creed Unity then. It was love.

22:55 – Beta sign up at steepgame.com. It’s coming in December. Mmm, Christmassy.

22:54 – Like every other game at this event, Steep’s footage has just gone on and on and on and on and on and on and on…

22:49 – Isn’t Steep just  beautifully realised and rendered collection of mini-games?

22:48 – This game could either be the most ambitious, genre-bending game we’ve seen yet. Or a hideously confused mess.

22:46 – Steep is an open-world game with eSport/MP aspirations. All about sharing what you’ve achieved, and ‘doing awesome things with your friends.’ So long as friends consent.

22:46 – Seen on Twitch: ‘GTA SSX’. Exactly what we were thinking.

22:44 – Ubisoft claims this trailer was made using game engine footage. But how big is that engine? The most impressive snow we’ve ever seen.

22:43 – Final game coming up. A new IP intro’d by Ubi’s CEO…

22:43 – ‘Most fit hacker in the world,’ says Aisha. Surely she means fittest hacker in the world, no?

22:42 – It started strong, but Ubi’s event seems to be trying way too hard to be cool. Yes please, more rap music. No, no, it’s fine. Keep playing it. It shows how in touch you are with gamers.

22:41 – Get DLC 30 days before anyone else if you’re on Playstation. Lucky, lucky gamers. 30 days of not playing on Playstation, followed by not playing on any other platform after that.

22:39 – Ubisoft partnering with Sony for Watch Dogs 2. Straight-talking Sony man Jim Ryan kissing some arse. You’re better than that Jim.

22:38 – This should be the highlight of the event. Literally nothing new to see, everything has been done in other games. Where are the epic moments like rappelling down a… scratch that. Totally worth 10 minutes of nothing for 2 seconds of something.

22:35 – Has anyone made a racist comment on the Twitch stream yet because you play as a dude who’s black? Probably not, that’d be unheard of.

22:32 – Hey, Watch Dogs 2 has drones. Fingers on the pulse, Ubisoft. Fingers on the cold, dead, uncool pulse.

22:31 – It’s that one mission in GTA V where you sneak into the Life Invaders office. Except, that’s all the game is. Big Los Santos feel to the world.

22:30 – Watch Dogs 2 looks pretty good – the world’s colourful, the movements feel real. Might actually be fun. You know, like the first game wasn’t. Easy access co-op too. Hmm…

22:27 – DedSec taking over the event. Don’t worry, Aisha, there’s always technical difficulties at E3.

22:26 – Imagine what an Assassin’s Creed movie would look like if made by Hollywood. Beccause that’s exactly what you’re going to get. No surprises, nothing new. Probably has a happy ending too, the sell-outs.

22:24 – And now we get a making-off and new footage from the film. Precisely what you’ve all been asking for all day. Sod off Xbox with your console. Ubisoft has a fucking movie coming out.

22:23 – It’s cool, you go pour a beer. We’ll let you know once he stops talking about the Assassin’s Creed movie.

22:21 – Frank Marshall sounds like Clint Eastwood, if Clint Eastwood had volume.

22:20 – Yes, please showcase your game-based film at a video games expo. That’s precisely why we came here. Say, didn’t ET have a video game and a movie too…?

22:19 – Trials of the Blood Dragon is out as soon as the press conference ends. All the gameplay of Trials, all the tongue in cheek humour of Far Cry: Blood Dragon. What could go wrong?

22:18 – Trials and Blood Dragon had a baby apparently. Which is very similar to our conception too.

22:16 – Apparently Ubisoft has the heart and soul of an indie studio. Has anyone told the board that?

22:15 – Did someone fuck up? Never noticed. Nice cover there, guy. ‘Not only can you…forget your words.’ At least he’s honest.

22:14 – Clearly Ubisoft want Bud the Robot to become one of those iconic gaming characters. But does it have to gameplay to make it a classic?

22:13 – Ubisoft Reflections – the most creative part of Ubisoft – takes to the stage. We’re seeing the sequel to Growing Home – Grow Up.

22:12 – It’s out Valentines Day. Nothing says love like hacking people to bits (Said Jeffrey Dahmer. And Ubisoft, apparently).

22:11 – The combat in For Honor seems interesting, using the R-stick to decide the swipe of your weapon. Could be one to get used to after a start.

22:10 – We’re an hour in, and we’ve seen around 4 games. Not sure if it’s a good or bad thing that Ubisoft are lingering over every game.

22:08 – Could just be us, but there seems to be some genuine weight to the movement in this game. Heavy and real. Well, real considering it’s a fucking game about vikings and knights and samurai.

22:08 – Guy mistimed his swing, desperately, the way we all would. Nice to see some imperfections during the usually super-perfect gameplay moments.

22:07 – Memories of Xbox’s Ryse now we’re seeing For Honor gameplay.

22:04 – We genuinely believe that guy is a Viking. Still. And has been for centuries.

22:03 – Creative Director of For Honor has a voice that should be forced to read us to sleep every night. So dramatic, sonorous. #GamesCrush

22:02 – Mexican standoff. With swords. Take that, Tarantino, you hack. For Honor appears very impressive.

22:01 – Disaster on screen. Nope, not technical difficulties. Just your usual nature wreaking havoc on the landscape. Game looks impressive as hell. Knights, barbarians, what more could you ask for (besides a flying car to get you to work on time)?

21:57 – We always decide what games are good based on the words of someone paid to make believe. Doesn’t everyone? This is a fan-grab, not meant for wider audience. Yet.

21:55 – Star Trek Next Gen’s Levar Burton comes on to praise Star Trek: Bridge Crew. He suited those Next Gen shades more than the VR headset.

21:54 – Underwhelming graphics, but nice idea. One to watch. Aisha mocking the person who leaked news of this game on Reddit. Someone, somewhere should be very, very scared.

21:52 – Karl Urban seemed to enjoy VR Star Trek. You know, the way a dad marvels at a new phone’s gadgets.

21:50 – ‘VR is about opening up the final frontier’. Could it be we’re about to boldly go where no man has gone before? Yes, yes it does. How ever did you guess from that subtle clue?

21:49 – Is Aisha taking t-shirt tips from Phil Spencer?

21:45 – Eagle Flight feels more like a tech demo to trial Occulus Rift than a fully fledged game.

21:44 – Eagle Flight up now, VR game. Like all VR demos, it just isn’t impressive unless you’re wearing the headset. Like imagining sex if you’ve never seen a human before.

21:43 – ‘So much awesomeness,’ says Aisha, in a tone that suggests the precise opposite. Swear she almost yawned after that trailer.

21:41 – Guy in The Division trailer sneaking around. Stealth could work really well in this game. More likely though, you’ll just fire off an assault rifle with reckless abandon.

21:40 – We think those new Division outfits, to celebrate Ubisoft’s 30th birthday, is definitely the fix this game needed. Phew, panic over.

21:38 – More news about The Division Underground after a brief cameo in the Microsoft press conference. Underground is focused on replayability. Which means grinding, by the way. Ubi-man threatens gamers, saying The Division is a long-term commitment.

21:37 – Right, that’s enough of fun games. Let’s head over the plague-riddled NYC in The Division. Aisha bigging it up, as if 93% of players haven’t already fucked off back to Destiny.

21:35 – Released December 6th. Why did the SP kids become superheroes? It’s a savage satire of the over-saturated superhero franchises. And their inherent racism. Sneak the black guy in in Phase 3.

21:33 – Trey just made a sly dig at Ghost Recon, since SP lets you destroy your enemies by pulling apart the fabric of time. Commentator shuts him down with a laugh and a quiet no. On with the script! Stick of Truth free if you pre-order South Park: Fractured But Hole.

21:32 – Combat has been improved. Not seeing anyone fart an enemy to death though, which is a missed opportunity.

21:29 – More SP gameplay. Really pushing this. But it is funny and self -aware. ‘Did you dad fuck your mum, Kyle?’ A deeply personal backstory evolving here.

21:27 – Nice way of including RPG elements in a ‘real’ world – class choices are created online (Are you listening, Zuckerberg?)

21:26 – Gameplay, like South Park’s Stick of Truth looks just like the TV show. But this is a Ubisoft event, so expect it to look like a Hanna Barbera cartoon on consoles.

21:24 – South Park’s Matt Stone and Trey Parker hit the stage. We miss Matt’s fuzzy hair. Discussing how the game is about the SP kids playing superheroes.

21:23 – Rug pull! ‘What’s this trailer? The Division? Watch Dogs? …South Park.’

21:22 – Ghost Recon’s out 7th March 2017.

21:22 – ‘That was close’. Yeah, that wasn’t in the script…

21:20 – Ghost Recon Wildlands is essentially GTA meets Just Cause. Minus the tongue-in-cheek humour.

21:18 – Hey, that’s teamwork! That’s not how we play video games in the real world, Ubisoft. Usually some bastard runs off, gets killed, and then fucks our mothers while delivering racist slurs.

21:17 – Ghost Recon Wildlands does look good. But we’d put the blood of these action hero wannabes on the sand if we played with them.

21:15 – Yep, all of us here play games like this: friendly, total lack of swear words, no fucking up the mission. #Authentic

21:13 – There’s a hint of the Metal Gears with this Ghost Recon gameplay footage. More people pretending to talk naturally, as if it hasn’t been scripted and rehearsed for the past 8 months.

21:12 – The guy explaining Ghost Recon’s plot sounds like the best Bond villain we’ve never had.

21:11 – Audience seemed to enjoy that. Not sure why, because it looks a lot like these sort of games. On the plus side, at least they didn’t set it in space.

21:08 – At last, on with the games. Nice run on sarcasm though. First up, Ghost Recon Wildlands.

21:06 Gags about having snacks, no showering, and piss-scented hall. Now that’s a tone to hit! Aisha nailing the jokes. She loves games, gets paid in wine. Perfick.

21:05 A quick tease about more Just Dance… Yep, that’s what the gaming world has been crying out for.

21:03 – Aisha Tyler is our host tonight. Ubisoft going for the cool when EA goes for corporate.

21:01 – Kicking the evening off with dancers doing dancer things to Queen. Reminds us of Shaun of the Dead (the song, not the campy dancing).

gamespulp recommends EA’s E3 2016 pre-show and Microsoft’s Xbox press conference.


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